Positivity

Positivity

It's very hard to say positive when you're in  an extremely negative situation, I have kind of managed to stay positive most of the time but I have allowed myself to have down time as well and let myself just cry, which I would advise anyone in a bad situation to do as I think it really does help to let your feelings out sometimes and tell someone how you're feeling. A lot of things have helped me stay positive, such as family & friends but something that has helped is that someone told me to try and find a positive in every negative, for example, it's not ideal that I'm stuck in a hospital bed in my living room, but this means that my pets can jump on anytime for a cuddle. There are a few things that have been very hard to try and make positive, such as the fact I can't walk, I struggle with this every day and am always thinking about how I just want to walk but this all gives me more motivation for physio and I try to always say to myself that I can't walk now but I will walk again. So for anyone in an awful situation I really think that trying to find a positive in every negative helps and I advise that you try to do this because it will help you to see things in a positive light.

Inspirational girl

My fab friend Holly aka Holldog asked if she could do a guest post on my blog and of course I said yes as she is amazing at writing. So here we go...


Despite the things Evie has been through in the past few months, never have I ever seen so much courage, strength and bravery in person, never mind a 17 year old girl. Although it can be difficult not seeing Evie as much, she is still always there making us all laugh on our group chat and through snapchat (our snap streak is still going very strong)and so we try our best to keep her company through our phones at the times we can't see her in person. But mainly its Evie still keeping us company and making us laugh daily. It still amazes me the amount of things she does without complaint and the motivation she has for things such as physio, as she knows its what she needs to get stronger- and it inspires me to not take a lot of the small things in life for granted. Her positivity is the key to her recovery and hopefully we as friends help her remain positive and cheer her up whenever possible. We all love her to bits and couldn't be prouder of all her achievements and her amazing spirit that keeps herself and us all going. 

Depth

I wanted to write a post explaining something that's been on my mind a lot throughout this whole experience. I think a lot of people don't understand that there's so much more to having  cancer than illness and there's so much more depth to it. Like its not just that I have cancer in general , there's also small things that come with this experience such as the fact I can't use my whole left side. There are lots of things that have changed for me or happened to me  as a result of cancer and not just the fact that I had a weird lump on my brain, for example I no longer am able to go to the toilet without help. I miss being able to do simple things like even emptying the dishwasher and I wish I could have my life back however all of this is more motivation for physio

Daily routine

Tbh I can't really talk about a daily routine as everyday is so different for me. but there are some things I always do on a daily basis, so I will talk about them, so when I wake up on a morning I wake my Mum who sleeps next to me then we have breakfast, after that I usually go to the toilet(I have to banana board onto a commode) and my Mum will wash me, then dress me(17 year old having to be washed and dressed by her Mum..not fun) Along with having proper physio, I do some with my Mum on a morning usually , things like stretching my core as having a strong core is very important for standing and also we do leg exercises, it is hard work and I always say it's not as fun as the other physio haha but I know that it's important. 4 days a week I have the proper physio in which I do more stretches and work so I'm able to find the middle with my head and stuff to wake up my left side, also I do standing which I love doing as I know that being able to stand well is key to walking/stepping.We also practice banana boarding(I keep talking about this but I'm pretty sure a lot of people will have no idea what I'm talking about) so, a banana board is a small board that I use to slide across to get into my wheelchair and on the commode then back to bed etc. I usually banana board from my right side as it's stronger but recently I've been going from my left side in the hope of mastering it so I can transfer into a car and on and off a stair lift which is hopefully coming soon so I can be back in my bedroom. Also, during the day I usually have some visitors, my Grandma visits everyday and sometimes my friends will visit but obviously not during college times. Family friends will occasionally visit. I love to see people as they lift my spirits and it's a bit more normal for me. Normally during the day I will have some chill time, in this time, I will do stuff such as watch Netflix, colour in, do some crafts or play games on my phone, chill time is very important for me as I need rest and need to save my energy so I can work extremely hard with physio(my favourite activity hehe)

Retraining

Because my brain has been through a neurological trauma, my body has to be retrained to do things such as I'm learning to walk again, but also things like my bladder had to be retrained(I had a catheter in after surgery) and I'm having speech and language therapy although I can talk and my voice is fine I just feel like my normal and singing voice have changed(my normal voice changed after surgery apparently I was talking with a German accent haha). I know that it's going to take a while for my body to be back to normal especially for my left side but I'm ready to bring it on and just get through it. My muscles are fine just a little weak as they haven't been used for so long but it's the signals from my brain to my arm and leg that need retraining, the brain needs to make new connections 

In 5 years time...

This post is about where I see myself/would like to be in 5 years. Firstly, I would definitely like to be back waling which I will achieve if I continue to work hard with physio every week, I know that the arm usually takes longer to come back than the leg but I would hope that I would have my left arm back as well, getting my left side back is the most important thing for me. I would like to have gotten good results in my AS' and A2's (currently I'm taking a year out and will be resting next year,I'm studying photography, media studies and theatre studies although I'm not too keen on going back to do photography)I would also love to be at uni or thinking of uni, I'm really wanting to go to some kind of performing arts uni, specifically in London, although I know how difficult it is to get into and how hard that industry is, but I can always dream haha, because of my experience I have decided that when I'm better I would love to do some work with the Teenage Cancer Trust and maybe even volunteer as a youth worker because I would love if I could help other teens going through a situation like this, so I would like to see myself doing some sort of charity work but specifically with the Teenage Cancer Trust, brain tumour charity and also an animal charity (totally unrelated and nothing to do with my situation but I just loveee animals and feel very strongly about animal abuse, in fact i haven't talked about my pets yet which is surprising, the pictures below are my pets.Flash is the gorgeous black lab, he is now 10 years old and the pet we have had the longest, Minnie is the cute cavapoo and she is around 1 and a half. The 2 cats are brothers and are called Bieber and Muffin(Bieber is obviously my cat haha)they are nearing the age of 4. I absolutely adore my pets and I guess a plus to having a bed in the living room is that they can jump on my bed for a cuddle anytime.

Staying Strong

Throughout this experience I have had to remain very strong and positive. Tbh I'm not quite sure how I have managed, I think It's because I just accepted that this is happening and I just have to keep going and get through it, so the situation has affected me but I know that I  have to persevere and just keep swimming as Dory would say,I'm surrounded by positive people who help keep my strength going and it's very true that despite this I have down moments but they make sure I get back up again. Because of them I know that I will have tons of support throughout this whole thing and that I will find the light at the end of this tunnel, It's been hard for me to realise that I will make it out of this and I will get better and be able to walk again etc, but people around me such as family, friends and the people from the Teenage Cancer Unit have helped me come to the realisation that I will not be like this forever